Reports have been coming into
Zombie Mountain™ of zombies running the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill response effort. In response to these reports, Zombie Mountain™ has officially elevated the ZOM™ alert level
(Zombie Outbreak Manageability Scale™) from
All Clear to Zombie Watch. The entire
Gulf Coast region is currently under a Zombie Watch. A Zombie Watch means the conditions are
favorable for a zombie outbreak.
Concerned citizens should ensure they have prepared their zombie
survival go-kits, and stocked up on the necessary supplies for their homes and vehicles. Be cautious when traveling to and from this
area. The U.S. Government in cooperation
with BP has recently elevated the “oil spill” response effort to include
closing down beaches and quarantining areas along the coast preventing access
to citizens and the media. It appears
possible that there is an existing zombie outbreak, and the government is in
ZOM1 cover up mode. BP, the company
responsible for the ongoing oil spill, has not yet admitted to the possibility
of a zombie outbreak associated with the response effort, and maintains the likelihood
and the potential impact of a zombie outbreak on response efforts is low. Similarly, BP maintains the position that the
potential environmental and economic impact of the ongoing environmental catastrophe
is also low. Zombie Mountain™ is currently sending assets to
the area to locate and identify potential zombies. If you have seen a zombie please do not hesitate to submit a report.
